Matthew Shepard: The Memory That Lives On

Sixteen years ago on a freezing night in 1998, Matthew Shepard was on his way home in Laramie, Wyoming when he decided to accept a ride from two men. Unbeknownst to Shepard, he accepted a ride from his killers. He was beaten, tied to a fence and left for dead until a cyclist found him eighteen-hours later and alerted the police.

Shepard was in a coma when the police arrived -- the only places that his face wasn't covered in blood were the small trails running down his face, created by his tears. He remained in a coma upon arrival to the hospital, where doctors learned that he had suffered severe trauma to his brain stem which left his body unable to regulate many functions and that it was too risky to operate.

At 12:53 a.m. on October 12, 1998, Shepard died in the hospital.

For those of you who aren't familiar with this story, I'm sure that you're left with one lingering question above all: why would these two men seek out to kill Shepard?

The answer? Because he was gay.

The tragedy surrounding Shepard's death was induced because of his sexuality and because he chose to live his life freely. While the death of such a bright soul like Shepard's is devastating, it's even more disheartening to know that this kind of disturbing behavior still happens in the world today.

Take what happened with the shooting in the Orlando night club this summer, for instance. 49 people lost their lives while 53 others were injured by one man filled with so much hatred that he chose to murder people who were living freely - as they should be - in a gay night club.

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day, but there are still so many hearts in the world who choose not to come out any day because they feel that they won't feel safe or accepted if they choose to do so. My own heart goes out to Shepard's family and friends on this mournful anniversary, and also to those who are feel that they cannot unveil their true selves in today's world.

Don't Downsize Depression

I am very close to a lot of different people who suffer from depression. It is hard to see loved ones struggle from an illness that they cannot control, especially when all that you want them to know is how much you love and care for them. We may not understand why they are hurting, but there is a good chance that they don't, either.

Just because you cannot see their pain does not mean that it does not exist. The wind cannot be seen, yet it still exists. Thoughts cannot be heard, but they remain nonetheless. Pain may not necessarily be seen, but it might feel like the stabbing of one million knives.

Do not diminish another person's anguish because you cannot see what they are going through. The mind can be a beautiful place, but it can also be torturous to many. You have no idea what another person is really thinking, so don't find it acceptable to demean them for what they have to say.

Do not ever call a victim of depression weak, because they are some of the strongest people to walk the planet. Every smile that they make is a moment in which they choose to let light into their lives. Every day that they wake up is another day that they choose to live.

Often times, internal struggles are far more difficult to cope with than external. Whether they are open with you about their pain or not, let the people that you care about know that you are always there for them. Assure them that they have a shoulder to cry on, even on their toughest days.

You do not get to tell anyone what they can and cannot feel. The only time in which you have the right to that is with yourself. Instead, you can offer guidance to those who feel lost. Offer release to them, talk with them, be with them. 

Sometimes, the only thing that we can do is listen. Besides simply lending a helping hand, reach out with your heart as well. Listen to what they have to say. Listen to why they feel the way they do. As much as you would like to do for them, hearing what they have to say is among the most important initial steps.

If you suffer from depression or someone close to you does, remember: "Tough days don't last–tough people do."

25 Ways to Get Into the Christmas Spirit

This post is a little out of my normal range of posts, but December 1st has finally arrived, which means that Christmas cheer is about to get kicked up a notch. This is my absolute favorite time of year, so I cannot wait to celebrate as much as I can. 

Feeling extra "grinchy" this year? Here are some ways to boost your holiday spirits.

1. ABC Family's "25 Days of Christmas"
Every day through Christmas, ABC Family has a nonstop lineup of Christmas movies from early in the morning until late at night. With movies like Elf, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Home Alone and Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the possibilities are endless. You can view the entire movie line-up for the 2016 Christmas season here. 

2. Classic Christmas cartoons.
Of course, you can't simply forget Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town, or Frosty the Snowman, either. 

3. Baking holiday treats.
Because who doesn't love Christmas cookies and cranberry nut bread? Find some of the most delicious recipes for holiday goodies here.

4. Buying presents.
With the season of Christmas comes the season of giving. Giving family and friends presents is probably one of my favorite things about this time of year, and with Cyber Monday only a few days ago, some websites like Amazon.com have them available all week long. Of course, even if you are not able to snag a good deal this week, plenty of stores keep them popping up all month long.

5. Wrapping presents.
To be honest, I love wrapping presents but am dreadful when it comes to putting sheets of wrapping paper and Scotch tape together to make something look pretty. If you are the same way or simply want cute and creative ideas, check out this ultimate gift wrapping guide.

6. Keeping a countdown (or twenty).
Planners, laptops, cell phones, white boards and calendars make great places to keep as many countdowns as you want. (I may or may not have round twelve at the moment.)

7. Constant Christmas music.
From Mariah Carey to Bruce Springsteen, it can be hard to grow tired of the seasonal classics. Spotify has some pretty great playlists, too. Try looking up "Merry Christmas: The Best Holiday Music" on your account to spruce up your day.

8. Decorating.
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, or whatever you want! Tinsel, bells, wreaths, snowmen and absolutely anything with glitter make perfect touches. 

9. Putting up the Christmas tree.
 Besides a great family pastime, putting up the Christmas tree is often filled with memories. Finding old ornaments and remembering the significance behind them can be a heart-warming task, even for Ebeneezer Scrooge.

10. Seeing Christmas lights at night. 
Maybe your family is something out of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. If that is the case, it might be a good idea to look at the twinkling lights around your town and see your neighbors' small victories. 

11. Making wish lists.
 I always find myself thinking of things that I want for Christmas, but constantly forgetting them when it comes time for someone to ask me what they should buy me. Try writing your own thoughts down virtually or in a notebook so that you do not forget, either.

12. Fireplaces.
My dad never lets me turn on the fireplace until the Christmas season is officially upon us. Who doesn't love the toasty feel of a roaring fire?

13. A long vacation ahead. 
The time that you have been waiting for since Thanksgiving ended. One week, two weeks, or however long, make this the vacation that you know that you deserve.

14. Paper snowflakes.
I do not care how old you are, you are never too old to make paper snowflakes. Whether you have snow in your area or not, hang them from your ceilings and tape them to your walls. Make some more like when you were a kid by learning here. 

15. Planning holiday parties.
Planning parties in general has always been a favorite of mine . . .

16. Attending holiday parties.
. . . but sometimes, it is nice to let someone else do the work, too.

17. Volunteer.
No matter how fortunate you may be (particularly during the holidays), not everyone can be as blessed. Take the opportunity to volunteer at a local shelter, nursing home, or soup kitchen and lend a hand to those who might not have anyone to spend this time of year with. You might really make someone's day. 

18. Traditions.
Every family has their holiday traditions. Big or small, there is bound to be at least one that you are attached to. Not with your family to celebrate them? Practice them on your own or share them with close ones who might not know of them. 

19. Start your own traditions.
There is a first time for everything! Why not make some new traditons for you and your loved ones to celebrate?

20. Family Christmas pictures.
If you hate making new ones, at least you can have a good laugh while looking at some of the old ones.

21. Getting Christmas cards. 
 Especially in college, receiving Christmas cards from loved ones back home is enough to make me smile all day.

22. Build a snowman.
Do you want to build a snowman? HA I am totally joking. But . . . maybe?

23. Go ice skating.
If you are as clumsy as me this might not be something that I advise, but it can be a good time with the right people (especially when they laugh at your misery whilst hitting the ground).

24. Watch the NORAD Santa Tracker.
I am not sure that there is anything much better than seeing the faces of my little cousins light up when I show them the NORAD Santa Tracker every Christmas Eve to see where Santa visits before Christmas morning. There is something about that spark in one's eyes, especially with such belief and excitement in their hearts, that makes everything glow just a little bit brighter.      

25. Getting the family together.
Because there is no place like home for the holidays. "The best gift around the Christmas tree is the presence of family wrapped in love." (Perhaps a bit of a cheesy end note, but in the spirit of Christmas, bear with me.)