Living for Yourself in the 21st Century

People often ask me what I want to do with my career in just a few years. I usually respond with a generic answer, based on what I am studying: "An art director for a magazine or a website." However, at other times, I find myself responding with three words instead of nine: "I don't know."

Truth be told, I can't say that I do know. I have a general idea in mind, but nothing is set in stone. I might only be four months shy of twenty-years old, but I have had big plans for my life for quite some time.

On a day-to-day basis, I have billions of little thoughts swarming within the four walls of my mind. I'd say that about a quarter of them consist of where I want to travel, what I want to do, goals that I want to achieve one day, and ways in which I want to live for myself.

Not that I stay cemented in the future by any means. I live for spontaneous decisions and jumping into any new opportunities that I come across, no matter how extreme (clever interlude into diverting your attention to my "Yes Man" post here after you finish feasting your eyes on this one). But when it comes to the rest of my life, I find it important to think about just where I see myself.

As a college student, I've talked to many of my friends and acquaintances about where they see themselves ending up. While many of them are in the same type of boat as myself, I've come across a few who say that it will be wherever their boyfriend or girlfriend decides, and that they will go from there. It doesn't matter if they have plans or goals of their own, because they have fallen too deep beyond the realms of infatuation.

What is there in life if you cannot live for yourself?

Keynote speaker Steve Maraboli once said, "When you are living the best version of yourself, you inspire others to live the best versions of themselves."

Throughout my life thus far, I've found that people come and go. People change, plans fall through and not everything is permanent. We can't always count on people, but we can sure as hell speak for ourselves.

Society today is pushing more than ever to stand apart from everyone else. No matter how close we might be to someone or how in love we are, let them do what they want while you pursue your own dreams. If things don't work out because you chose to live your own life, don't chase them. Let them go, because they obviously weren't worth your time anyways.

Think back to when you were significantly younger. What did you want to be as the years went by? (I apparently told my family that I "wanted to be a teenager" so I guess that I'm living the dream, but back on a serious note now.) No matter what your aspirations were, you knew that you weren't going to let anything or anyone stop you from getting to where you wanted to be.

The world can be such a vast and wonderful place. Take advantage of every chance you get, because the time doesn't stop ticking by.

Known As the Popular Loner

A few summers ago, I took this picture in a tunnel that I was walking through on the canal in my home town. Thankfully, I had the brains to upload it to my computer so that I could save it in case my phone were to break. Five phones later, the remembrance of this image popped into my head for some strange reason today and I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

At the time that I initially saw this, I can't say that I really analyzed it too much. An angst-ridden sixteen-year old, I'm sure that I saw the spray-painted phrase with white, dripping letters as "so punk rock" and not much more. I kept in in some of my digital picture folders and moved on with my life.

Almost four years later, I can't attribute this graffiti to anyone and couldn't give you a proper guess as to who might have tagged it. However, I think that I have a firmer grasp now on what they meant by this. "Known as a popular loner . . ."

My greatest opinion on these five simple words is that the artist was feeling what many might also be familiar with: being surrounded by people, yet feeling the opposite.

Let me start off with a bit of a preface. I tend to refer to myself as an extroverted introvert. I talk non-stop and adore meeting new people as often as possible. I'm a rather social person when it comes down to it.

While this might be the case, having time to myself is a must. There are times when I turn down offers to spend time with people, just because I know that I need to be alone for a bit and collect my thoughts. It's not that I'm anti-social by any means, I just prefer to be by myself sometimes.

(I could easily go into my life story as it has been so far, but that's a story that I'll just have to save for another day.)

Now back to the picture. Even years later, I feel like I have a steadier understanding on the underlying meaning to such a simple phrase. Although someone might be considered a "socialite," a room full of people can still feel empty. The person who everybody thinks of as the life of the party might only be that to those who don't care to delve deeper into their true character.

Of course, there could also be a sadder and desperate meaning that the artist wanted to convey. Perhaps there was a feeling within them that felt the need for something more out of life. It could have very well been that he just wanted anyone to get to know his life, his story, his art.


I suppose that I'll have to settle with the fact that I may never know if there was a deeper meaning behind this, or if there was a specific point that the tagger was trying to make. So, for now, I'll end with one question: what would you leave behind as a simple statement to describe your life, and how many people would really understand?

For the Dazed and Confused

Lazy Sundays filled with listening to Vampire Weekend whilst drinking hot coffee and diving into books about modern art have instilled me with the inspiration to type out just what I have been feeling lately. Without further ado, here we go.

Lately, I've been stuck in my own thoughts more than I normally am. Bouncing back and forth within the four walls of my own mind, I've been trying to crack the code of what I truly want out of life. The only answer that I have come up with so far?

I don't know.

But do you know what else?

That's okay.

I'm the type of girl who enjoys the thrill of spontaneous adventures at two o'clock in the morning, but who also can't wait to be enveloped in the comfort of her own bed. I love to binge watch TV shows, but I also want to read for days at a time. I have aspirations to travel the entire world, but I can also be a bit of a homebody.

I have so many dreams that I want to pursue that I'm still unsure of what to place my finger on at the moment. Taking life on day at a time is one of the greatest challenges that I find myself continuously facing.

As much as I would love to have my life figured out by now, I'm also aware that that's not exactly going to happen. At nineteen-years old, I'm infatuated with the concept of having my future mapped out so that I have an idea of what is going to happen down the line. In order for that to happen, however, I need to have a solid grasp on what I want.

And right now, I'm not certain in what I want exactly because I want to experience everything.

I want to be able to live for myself. Do what I want, go where I want to go, and be who I want to without having to schedule my life around anyone else. I'm content with where I am right now, but there's also so much more that I want to get out of this short lifetime.

Dazed and confused is perhaps the best way to sum up my current predicament. I have a long journey ahead of me at such a young age, but I'm ready for it. I can't control everything and I will get to where I want to be in due time.

And if I do end up figuring everything out by some circumstantial one in a million chance, I'll be sure to let you know.

Artist of the Week: Jenny Holzer

Happy Sunday! I didn't realize how long it had been since I last made an Artist of the Week post. My apologies!

If I'm not mistaken, I think that I posted my last artist feature on Christmas Day. (Whoops!) No worries, they're back again with this week's artist, Jenny Holzer.

(Side note: I would have chosen a better picture of Holzer to include, but copyright infringement prevented me from doing so. *Sigh*)

As a neo-conceptual American artist, Holzer's creations are fueled by political and social movements of her time. Working and living in Hoosick Falls, New York, she has also been a prominent voice among the artists for feminism.

Holzer, now 65-years old, has incorporated the usage of projection and electric lights in her art work over the years. Each piece, as simple as the words may be, entails deeper and vivid concepts for the viewer to grasp.

The large-scale artist initially started her work by leaving paintings and script around the city of Manhattan. Eventually, that led her to begin to create billboard pieces and the building projections, where her career really took off. Holzer has also put some of her pieces on vehicles, as pictured below.

 

To learn more about Holzer and to view some of her most cherished and powerful work, visit her website at projects.jennyholzer.com.

4 Major Things That Happen When You Stop Caring So Much

It’s inevitable - life gets rough. One minute you’re as happy as you’ve ever been, and the next you just don’t want to move. You either have incredibly high hopes or next to none, and either way you’re just as disappointed. But what happens when you learn to let go and simply stop caring so damn much?

  

1. You can find your identity. For starters, let's observe the aspect of what happens to you as a person. When the majority of you time is spent on taking care of other people and making sure that their happiness is consistent, you forget to love yourself and take care of your own needs. How can you grow and live a prosperous life if you can't find the time to do things for yourself? In the words of the wonderful television personality Tom Haverford, "treat yo self." Take the time to relax in your favorite coffee shop or park and do things that only you want to do. Write a book, meet new people, nap all day long  - whatever it is, make sure that it's what you enjoy.

2.    You learn to let go. There’s no way to comfortably move forward without letting go of the things that keep you cemented in the past. Whether it is a person or an event that has kept a hold on you, there’s no use in dwelling over the things that you can’t change. Everyday is full of new opportunities, so go out and seize them. Who cares about that one thing that happened 2 weeks ago, or that guy who turned out to be a huge jerk? Those people and things don’t affect who you are in the long run.

3.    The amount of stress you have goes down. Before you know it, the level of stress pressing upon you goes down almost instantly. With a sense of release, you quickly begin to recognize that the problems that face you at the moment don’t last forever. Why spend so much time in a state of anxiety when there’s a whole world ahead of you? Quit worrying about that big test you have to take or why that boy isn’t texting you back right away. It sounds cliché, but tomorrow really is a new day.

4.    You recognize chances and opportunities to take that you never did before. I can attest to the fact that I used to care far too much about a variety of things. However, as I gradually cared less and less about what bothered me, I began to pay attention to people and opportunities around me that I hadn’t paid attention to previously. New people, new interests, and new possibilities - everything started to piece together, and I was able to say I was truly happy. After all, what is life without undergoing different and exciting experiences?

Life is such a wonderful experience when you truly take advantage of it. Rather than focusing on what to fret about, throw your cares on the back burner. Laughter, pain and adventure lurk around every corner. Seize the day, and find who you want to be.

Suck It Up, Buttercup

The past two weeks have been quite the whirlwind. Between balancing life and work, I haven't found the time for much else. If you had asked me one year ago what I would have been doing this past summer and this winter break, I would have laughed in your face - because I'm currently a dishwasher at a casino.

Simply put, I'm not exactly the "dishwasher" type. I like to wear make-up everyday, I adore dressing up and I'm not exactly the type of person that you would think to pick to do such a job. While I may be the eclectic type with a variety within my personality, washing dishes is not exactly my fortè. 

 After initially receiving the title of a dishwasher at my town's local casino and racetrack in August of 2015, it was both different and laughable to me. Me, a dishwasher . . . hysterical.I thought that washing dishes and putting them away would get me a few extra bucks while simultaneously making the days fly by and that I would be on my way . . . boy, was I wrong. 

I worked my first few summer shifts in the day before switching to nights before my remainder of time that I had left until I headed back to school. I rapidly learned how much more messy and physically demanding the work was with heavy lifting than I thought that it would be. It was dirty, fast-paced and the shifts dragged longer than I had anticipated.

I expected to keep to my work and mind my on business so that I could get my work done faster, but the exact opposite ended up being on my agenda. My social trait got the best of me and I ended up becoming close with almost everyone in the kitchen. Before I knew it, my shifts didn't go by as slowly as they had started off. Each night went by at a steady rate filled with laughter, contentment and achievement.

Inside jokes became the norm for my work days and I had a lot of people to back me up, especially in sticky situations (some stories to be told another time). I don't feel stressed when I punch in to my shifts, because I know that it won't be that bad and I will actually enjoy the company of the people around me.

Even when it's difficult, I know that I can do it. I'm an adventure seeker and I love to try new things, which is why I believe that this job is great for me right now. I thrive off of trying new things and breaking routine.

You can push yourself to limits that exceed your expectations. Surprise yourself with new and extraordinarily different goals because, ultimately, you will end up surprising and impressing more than just yourself.

The Cycle of a Long Distance Relationship

After four long months, I was finally reunited with my beloved boyfriend once again this past week. We have been in a long distance relationship for about one year now, and he has been in basic training in Fort Sill, Oklahoma since October.

Before going back to Oklahoma to graduate and then head to AIT training for the National Guard in Missouri until mid-March, we were able to spend five wonderful days together. It might not seem like much to the average person but, to us, it was everything.

I've written about long distance relationships and how to stay positive in them back in October of 2015, before my boyfriend left. I want to add on with a fresh perspective and more thoughts, especially for those who have never had to deal with the stress of a long distance relationship before.

When somebody means everything, distance becomes such a small concept. Even when the waiting feels like years, you can't really imagine being as excited for anything else.


Once the days start becoming fewer and the countdown decreases with each passing moment, the anticipation only heightens. Everything finally starts to fall into place, and the day that you know you will be together again consumes your wildest dreams.

The day finally comes. It's here. Butterflies fill your stomach like nothing that you have ever felt before, until at last - you see the one you love the most. A familiar spark flickers before your eyes and you simply can't believe how you managed to go without being in their arms for so long, because that is where your heart is.

Each and every second spent together is just one more second that you wouldn't want to spend with anyone else. Watching Grey's Anatomy for hours and venturing to art museums become some of the best times that you have had in a while. Together again with the love of your life, and nothing can destroy that feeling.

But then it comes. The day that you've been putting off in the back of your mind because you've been dreading it since before your love has even arrived - the day where they have to leave once again. Even waking up becomes a sad affair, because you don't want the contents of the rest of the day to occur.

You help them pack their things (as much as you don't want to) while jokingly attempting to get them to stay. As much as you don't want to leave each other, there are some things in life that just have to happen. You'll be together soon enough, but this is not the time.

The drive to the airport or to the bus station is one of the saddest trips to endure. There's so much that the both of you want to say, but it's too hard to express at this time. So, you sit in near silence as you promise yourself that you won't cry this time because you cry every single time and maybe this time will be different (spoiler alert: it won't be).

You help them get their luggage out, despite your best last efforts to get them to stay with you. You look at each other for a brief few seconds before embracing, and that's when the waterworks make their first big appearance.

Between final goodbyes and many wiped tears, you take one last look at each other before you depart ways. Leaving feels just a little bit emptier than it has the last few times, and the countdowns are reset.

Learning to cherish every little thing in life is a lesson that I believe everyone can take part in. No matter how tough things get or how different you wish that things were, appreciate what you do have.


And if you're in a long distance relationship right now,  just remember - miles can't separate two hearts that truly care.